The Emotional Trauma Of A Relationship Breakup

Jane Unsworth is a local Health Practioner and Trainer who supports her clients through the emotional aspects of divorce and separation.  In this article she provides an insight into how illness connects with an emotional trauma.

When a family unit is tight it’s all well and good.  But when the glue that holds the family together, the parents relationship, breaks down then emotional turmoil can hit from a dizzy height.

When two people meet and fall in love, it’s the happiest of times, and everyone in their lives is usually more than ready to help them celebrate the magical bond they form. Two families, two sets of friends, and sometimes children from a previous union, all combine to develop a new tribe. And of course this is not to say this doesn’t sometimes come with its own set of challenges.

When A Relationship Folds

However when that relationship ends it affects so many people in so many ways, and much depends on the circumstances. If one of the partner’s meets a new love, that in itself can unintentionally cause great hurt.  How that is handled within the direct family is key, and how the injured party reacts is vital.

The couple themselves have to decide on how well (or badly) they wish to behave with one another in front of and away from the children, whether the children witness it or not the ongoing relationship of the couple will be felt through the ongoing language and tone-of-voice used when one (ex-partner) broaches the topic of the other.

The children can be greatly affected and how the parents react is a major factor in how everyone else continues to handle the event, where the grown-up thing would be to keep everything calm wherever possible.

But is it really that simple?

The Two Phases Of Disease

What’s happening on the surface of such a situation, on a conscious level, can be very different to what is going on subconsciously.

If you look at the META-Health model of the Two Phases Of Disease which models any set of symptoms (that are felt in the body or the mind) you’ll notice that an emotional upset such as this has the potential to go on and wreak havoc, health-wise.

The shock or Stress Phase can impact in such a way that hearing the news (that first time) turns into a record that plays over and over in the ‘head’, and if that does become a factor it’s invariably accompanied by stress-based sporadic eating and disrupted sleeping patterns where the mind just keeps obsessing about the pinpointed and surrounding moments of the event.

You may even have heard people, women in particular, talk about how a break-up was the best diet they ever went on, which is explained more fully here.

Best Advice And Protection

So what is the best way to address this?  Well as an energy therapist I’d recommend the importance of the need to clear the emotional upset as soon as possible, in order to avoid any ongoing illnesses developing (or being retriggered from past events) because this is where the symptoms of long-term stress get embedded, and if you already have ongoing-stress in your life, through your job, existing symptoms, finances, kids, etc, you may not even notice it, as it just tags onto but can create additional illness.

Whereas someone who already works on their emotional health will be far more receptive to noticing what is happening within and eager to deal with the impact in order to stay balanced throughout what can be a very disconcerting period.

But if you’re someone who has already developed a habit of denying your feelings when it comes to unhappy, uncomfortable emotions then it’ll be very easy for you to deny the impact because you’re so well practiced, but it doesn’t mean you’re dealing with it.

And the body can be in the stress phase for decades, which means a person adapts so well it becomes part of their ‘norm’.  And you might want to look at family patterns while growing up to get a better indication of how well the emotional health was acknowledged in order to understand more about how you deal with things in your life currently.

Best Practice

Learning how to deal with the emotional upsets in your life, before you have a serious event like a breakup, which can impact similarly to a bereavement, as everything goes into turmoil is a great policy to adopt and will revolutionise how you go through life.

The more well-balanced you keep your mental, physical and emotional health the better, it’s a misnomer to believe that you only have to deal with these things when something drastic happens.  Although this is what tends to happen.

As we know, the legalities, the paperwork and the upheaval of such a transition rely to a greater extent on your emotional health in order that all parties are fully heard and respected.  and reach a balanced outcome for all concerned.

So it makes sense to be operating from your ‘best self’ rather than your worst (during such a vulnerable time) because how well you deal with the effects of the backlash determines the quality of everyone’s future.  And to some extent this is determined by how well-balanced your inner-life (rather than the outward appearance) already functions.

The last thing anyone wants to see is you ranting about your private feelings on Facebook 🙂 nor is it great to bottle it all up, with the stiff-upper-lip approach.   It also doesn’t help you when it comes to choosing more wisely next time round, experience is there to learn and grow from.

Restoring your emotional wellbeing makes a huge difference in how you treat everyone involved in the scenario, including yourself, and you’ll be surprised as to how easy that is to recover once you give it a try.

It allows you to release the destructive emotions such as outrage, anger, hurt and behaving as a victim, so you can be more relaxed, present and in control, which ultimately benefits you and your family.

How Does It Work?

If you want to take the stress and anxiety out of your breakup then you can get free of the grim feelings and learn better strategies to take care of yourself that improve your chances of finding the type of partner you’d really like, next time round.

Maybe you’re the party that cheated and you just want to be free of those mixed feelings that overwhelm you at times.  Negative emotions such as guilt and shame can be shifted so you can enjoy your new relationship and ensure all affected parties are properly respected and provided for.

Life happens … as we know … but the real skill is in how we deal with ‘stuff’ and this is where the changes you experience through my service helps to resume stability.

If any of this strikes a chord, please come and see me, to explore whether it can help you before, during or after a dramatic event like a breakup that may be affecting your life right now.

You can contact me by clicking here and arrange a FREE Discovery Session.